Black girls are easy... a memoir

I'm troubled by something.

To be honest,  I'm troubled by many things. (lol) In an attempt to stay true to the vision of my blog I have decided to return to my weekly musings on life, love and loss (the trifecta). This is in direct contravention of my new years resolution from 2011 to stop oversharing. My "bf" says I talk too much sometimes- but I can't help it- I was raised by a very expressive and highly intelligent man who thinks the world of me - I've never been repressed- or submissive for that matter.

In the spirit of putting one foot in front the other- I am gonna merge all the mis-adventures I didn't write about last year into one full post, without actually writing about them myself ... and then resume with weekly rants to feed the machine.

The Non- Frontation

(also known as... Speaking to a professional)

I have a plethora of things I could say here- but months ago I decided to save myself the hassle, and protect everyone's identity, after I found this blog post. Read all about how I lost friend #1  here. I play the role of Spartan, naturally.

• Single Black Female

(also known as... Why there is no woman code)

You know how as females we surround ourselves with things? We collect shoes and purses and outfits and perfumes.... and girlfriends. If you're lucky like I have been, you have the girlfriends who have known you since Primary School, or early High School. If you're unlucky, like I have also been, you meet some women because you work with them, go to the gym with them, or you play mas with them. There are exceptions, but for the most part, these women are usually trouble.  Sorry to say it, but all of us will eventually learn this the hard way. So that brings me to how I lost friend #2. Again, read all about it here.

• Maneater

(also known as "You Chose me? -yeahhhhhh... no. I don't"

Men choose, women settle. This is what I know. I've been to enough weddings to realize it to be a fact. We will date the man of our dreams for 11 years and never bring up marriage- at least not in a serious way, because he never brings up marriage. Every single wedding I have witnessed it has been the traditional - he asked, she said yes scenario. EXCEPT... for men, they marry you because they "want" you. Women tend to marry them because they asked.

Sorry to say it- actually no.... I'm not. I've watched enough marriages disintegrate only to see the woman rebound into a relationship with someone else who she is so well matched with that they make you sick with how perfect they are together. To be completely transparent, this is not about bashing men, because marriage is a huge step and any man willing to do that has my respect. Marriage is also a permanent situation, if you do it right. Choose wisely, and don't be forced to become someone you're not in order to make someone else happy. We women must assume more responsibility for being honest about when a dating relationship won't work... and get out fast. Easier said than done.

See how I lost friend #3, here.

• CRAZY

(also known as... Aileen Wuornos reincarnated)

The latter half of 2012 fell into total anarchy. Nobody came out unscathed. I don't know if it was the Mayan calendar that made people start to act a fool, but some people lost their dang gone minds last year. It doesn't matter if you have a front row seat, or you watch from the nosebleed section ; watching someone use social media in unconstructive ways goes from amusing to pathetic within minutes. Think before you post ladies.... everybody remembers. SO, read it here.

I didn't actually lose a friend because of "Aileen", to be honest I barely knew her before I had to get a restraining order against her (haha) .But, I gained something even better!

There you have it- every mis-adventure worth mentioning. If you didn't recognize yourselves in any of the posts, breathe a sigh of relief. Kidding!!!

"b-easy"

 

 

 

 

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Comments

[AJ]

Thank you for this post. I lost a couple of "friends" this year and found parts of your post true to my life. I can't say I was perfect in the relationships...actually I fell far from it.

What I learned for sure is when you know someone brings out the worst in you, you shouldn't ignore that. Do something about it.

I got caught up in gossiping and commenting on unnecessary things. Petty things that were truly insensitive. Not because it was something I always did, but this "friend" seemed to bring that out in me. Like I said before, I wasn't perfect - I contributed, put my two cents in and even began initiating some of these conversations. Our constructive conversations were far and in between and for the many hours we spoke, we talked about people, how badly they dressed (or so we thought), commented on stories we heard about them (true or not didn't matter) etc etc. And though I could never say this "friend" was a bad person, they surely were negative and felt the need to bash other people for no reason. For some reason, finding the negatives and faults in people made her feel better. The two of us together wasn't a good thing... EVER.

That relationship is over, it didn't last long. I feel so much lighter, less burdened, less negative. I still have a long way to go obviously, but I feel truer and closer to the person God created me to be.

I am back to being me, seeing people with different fashion choices than me and loving how they choose to express their self. Hearing gossip about someone and telling the next person I'd rather not know something that doesn't concern me. Updating my circle, and surrounding myself with women that can stop me when I'm off track, embrace me for who I am and most importantly, grow me.

I learned to listen to me, and stay true to me. And I should've listened to that inner voice when it first spoke to me. My lesson learned. I am a better person today.

ps. a huge thanks to you for (over)sharing your life :). I love to stop by and read your musings and see your style. Blessings!

[Shoe Lover]

Thanks so much AJ
It's a delicate balance learning to be true to yourself while trying to nurture relationships with others.
I suppose we can all do with some careful introspection from time to time.
Thanks so much for visiting my blog, and for your comments

Toya

[Kevin]

Hi, Would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page. Please email me back.

Thanks!
Kevin
kevincollins1012@gmail.com

[Shoe Lover]

Hi Kevin
What is the URL for your blog?