Island Style

How to charm an angry chihuahua

I met a cute little guy two weeks ago while house hunting- and he hated me.

Usually I have a way with dogs. Having grown up with a plethora of furry friends, I presumed myself to be somewhat of a dog whisperer. Most dogs love me immediately, and even the most wary tend to warm up after a little coaxing. Not so with Beenie Man. (yep, his name is Beenie Man...LOL)

My initial plan was to do my usual cooing, where I bend down to their eye level- to remove the presumed threat, avert my eyes, for the same reason, and begin to say little things like "who loves you little buddy? who's a cute little fella?? wanna treat?"

I was met with a sharp bark, and he ran to the top of the sofa to scowl and sneer at me- and all the other little things (pun intended) that toy dogs do to let you know they aren't having it.

After he spent the better part of half an hour scowling and showing me his (surprisingly) clean little row of teeth, I left, unable to win him over. 

I could not get the dog out my mind.... but I chalked him up to the one that got away, and moved on.

Fast forward five more days, and I went back over to have a second look at the condo... and that's when I saw this:

Mister was a model! Immediately I knew what to do.

So I walked straight past him- like he wasn't there- and he quit barking right way. While I walked around the condominium looking at floorboards and room sizes, I never laid eyes on the little guy. When I was ready to leave, I looked down and he was faithfully trailing me, looking up for me to pet his little noggin. Completely smitten ... just like I knew he'd be.

 

Life Lesson:

When you're used to being catered to, it's always the one who completely ignores you that captures your attention.

This is true for people- and for dogs.

 

'b-thedogwhisperer"

xo

Tee

Small up yuhself!

In the summer of 2001 I decided to ride on a bus in Jamaica.

I didn't need to- but I wanted to experience everything while I was there that month, and I'm usually such a princess and I had heard stories about how awful it was - so naturally I figured I had to experience it first hand.

Dizz parked his car in a plaza parking lot, and we walked across the street to the Halfway Tree bus terminal. In this re-enactment, I have lovingly referred to myself as "Lunatic".

Dizz:" Babylove. Yuh not gon like riding pon no bus. You sure bout dis?"

Lunatic:" yes, I'm sure. I don't see what the big deal is. I ride buses in Antigua all the time, we can catch this bus, go up the road a bit and then stop it and get off

Dizz: "okay!"

Lunatic: " it's gonna be alright man"

So we get to the terminal and the buses are huge (think the size of the local Party Bus in Antigua). People are packed into them like sardines, and there is no room- seated or standing- or hanging off the entrance rail.... no where!!!

I look up at the bus in front of me, and try to peek around the people queueing up to get inside. It seems like an impossible task- nobody else can fit- "the bus canna cross it!"

Lunatic: " This bus is packed, we have to go on the next one"

Dizz: " oh yeah?" . He looks amused, and I am not sure why.

Just then the conductor (I assume) yells at me

"daughta, yuh comin pon de bus? we soon move arf. Halffff-wayyyy tree!!!!!"

Lunatic: "is there room?"

Conductor: "yeah sis... just small up yuhself." He turns to yell inside the bus "small up yuhself man... we can tek een more still". Then he motions for me to go in.... there is NO ROOM... if I get into the bus, I may as well get a test for an STD. I would be thatclose to everyone!

I look at the bus- the sardines- the conductor- Dizz.

The conductor looks pissed... he's yelling "halfway tree! HALF WAY TREE!" to other approaching passengers who, unbelievably, are still getting into the sardine tin.

I found myself backing away, ashamed to admit I was wrong.

Lunatic: " Dizz,... you know ..... I don't think I'm dressed for this. This dress is silk! It would.. um.. wrinkle badly in such close quarters. Maybe tomorrow." I couldn't even meet his gaze.

He laughed at me for the rest of the day.

*shame*

 

This is dedicated to anyone who travels on public transportation! Just try small up yourself.

*wink*

xx

"b-sharingasmile"

 (Video by the Trini comedian Myron Bruce- get familiar!)

The Kardashian Limerick- by Toya Turner

There once was a girl named kardashian

Who married real quick- in a "pash-ian"

A huge wedding on TV

Paid for fully by E!

In 72 days it all went a crash-ian!

 

LMAO

 

... Now back to your regular scheduled programming! Any bets on how -if at all- this will affect the show?

^_^

The Kardashian Limerick- by Salman Rushdie

The marriage of poor kim kardashian

was krushed like a kar in a krashian

her kris kried, not fair!

why kan't I keep my share? 

But kardashian fell klean outa fashian.

 

Salman Rushdie

#GENIUS!

Miss Mattie

There's this little hair salon that I go to sometimes on my lunch hour. If I need something done really quickly, I can always call and pop in because they are never too busy. Last Friday when I got there, a lady was sitting in the chair next to the manicure station. I grabbed a bottle of OPI and got into the chair to get my nails done.

You know that feeling you get at the base of your neck when you feel someone's eyes on you? I looked up and caught the lady looking at me, so I smiled, and looked away. A few seconds later when I looked up, there she was again- looking at me. I kinda shifted my gaze to the side, to make her see that I noticed, and to get her to stop- without having to say "what the hell lady? Take a photo it lasts longer! " Five long, painful minutes later, she was still at it, (it was making me uneasy) and so I decided to ask her what her name was and strike up a conversation.

Toya: "hi, I'm Toya... what's your name?"

Her: "Matilda"

Toya: "I haven't met anyone named Matilda before... it's a cool name"

Her: "I doah like it, meh daddy name meh afta him mammy." She resumes staring at me.

Toya : Visibly uncomfortable with the staring now " You know, your name is pretty popular. There are a couple songs with your name in them! "

Her: "eh he?" She seems intrigued, and I go in for the kill.

I am a walking anthology of old calypso songs and I never met a calypso I didn't try to learn verbatim... so with no encouragement (or fear of public humiliation) I start to sing.

Toya: " matilda.... mah-til-dahhh, matilda she tek meh money and run Venezuela" I smile at her... hoping that she would at least laugh and stop looking at me with those "hungry eyes"

She laughs, loudly.

SUCCESS!!!!

I'm feeling a bit bolder now. That, plus I'm an ass.. so I say, "there's a poem too... by Louise Bennett"

Matilda: "eh he?"

Toya: (in my best Jamaican accent.. which is pretty damn good by the way) "What a joyful news Miss Mattie, I feel like meh heart gwine burst. Juh-maica people colonizing England in reverse"

Don't be alarmed at the randomness of my brain- just accept it, dear reader.

Mattie: " is true! Miss Lou. I love 'har yuh kno"

I feel like I've finally established a connection with the woman, so at least the awkwardness is leaving the room.

Matilda says to me... "so what yuh use to get yuh teeth dem so white Miss Toya?"

Toya: "colgate" ... and then I grin

Matilda: "yuh teeth dem pretty bad! the girl dem inna meh church use white out pon dem teeth"

Toya: " What... that's gotta be bad for you...." I started to say more and then I realized.... these girls probably do it out of ignorance, and I have to try to understand where they are coming from... so I say...

"oh cool, you know, colgate works too... and it's cheaper than white-out."

I stare at the mirror and think to myself... I seriously CANNOT make this stuff up!

LOL

(the teeth colgate and D.N.A. gave me) LOL Cropover 2011 

Happy Independence Day Antigua

'b-Matilda'sfriend"

 

You shoulda stayed in school, kid!

In this shot: (TEA Tunic, BETCHBUM earrings) Sunday vibes

 

I have found that cute men with offensively bad grammar and poor social graces have a thing for me!

And so it was that three months ago I got a BBM (no, that wasn't a typo) I have saved it all this time just to scare myself

"babz, I wuz so glad to see u, my patients has pay off"

Seriously, no, seriously???

He had been sending me little gems for a while- all sorts of adulterations of the English language, and I was really trying to be understanding .. and such... HAHA. It had become increasingly impossible to carry on an intelligent conversation- he could talk about GAZA though... but not the Strip. He had never finished school, could not craft a witty sentence- and I generally love a smart man! I don't know what was wrong with me. After that text came in I realized I had gone too far and sometimes you just have to "date" in your own education bracket. 

#dontfightthepower (note to self)

My immediate instinct was to click DELETE, but he was such a McHottie that I decided it was best to save him for days when I'm feeling a little down. I can just pick up my phone and think - this man is a functioning illiterate! So good looking - but so daft.

LOL

I'm terrible for saying that, I know... but I own my quirks! And I can spell dammit.

Happy Monday luvs

xx

"b-okaywithstandards"

Random Ridiculousness

                                                                           

NOBODY CANNOT CROSS IT lol

Jamaica Day One

 

We went to Papine to watch some friends produce the new video for Junior Reid. Being behind the scenes gave me a new appreciation for the work that goes into the videos we see on TV.

It was hot and humid as hell, and I regretted what I chose to wear- except that the Rastas kept calling me "empress" (apparently it's advisable to dress modestly amongst the bredren)

"Hi had no "hi-dea", but Rasta men are very into fashion... safe to say we were well received. LOL.

So I've got some interesting posts to share with you- and some fun style posts and interviews with Jamaican designers and personalities. First post will be up tonight, so check back for that one.

"go getter, be a go getter"

:-)

xoxo

Random Ridiculousness

 

KARMA - it really is just a matter of time.... LOL.

 

Young Spice

Just for laughs, if you are a fan of the Old Spice guy like I am, you should get a kick out of this video